definition of fren....

Well, today is a hi bye day...what happened???

was at JB for fling and saw b...ever since that incident, the friendship has never been the same...there is something weird i feel that either b is thinking about or a pending problem that has finally decided to surface....it makes me wonder..."How should we define Frens?"

we knew each other since year four in ntu....b, wz, ff and me...they were a gang together and i sort of broke the ice and squeeze myself into the gang and it has been like this for sometime....we are honest about the way we dance and all....it is a close relationship....

till that fateful nite...a casual remark by me to b sort of produce sparks or erupted the volcano....

he wrote me a long email about how he dislikes me as a student...how my actions were contradicting and so....its true and i admit its contradicting....i was enthusiastic about performing 'Flying Home' at welcome tea....but the afternoon practices after morning djing sort of took away the energy...plus we are learning the swedish way now, everything is sooo difficult and tiring....

and he is a very passionate person towards lindy....passion soo great that he can give up a normal working hours job to give himself the flexibility to dance... that he can argue with his dad and so on...

that's where at times, i think that the pressure and hopes he placed on us is great and when the fulfilment is not obtained, the disappointment is doubled...

now, b is smsing me and saying that he doesnt understand y all four of us are soo different and that maybe he shld find new frens with the same passion...

sigh.....

we must all remember that in life, there will be many people who cross our path....there are people who initially got together because of a common interest.....as lots of time are spend together to think and tok about the common interest, there should be more things developed in the friendship that deepen the friendship...and WE SHOULD BRAVE THROUGH this small hiccup....i have this feeling that he is insecure.....

i have no idea why and how the frienship has steered to such a direction, a direction that is cold and no warmth at all....a hi bye friendship...

sigh.........

Hopefully the storm will be over soon....

lindy

well well, something highlighted to me today....

Lindy has been very fun for me, always....i like it cos it's a happy dance...the people and the way the dance goes, the smiles and laughter makes one very happy doing it...however, it has come to a point that fling is more of a get together...its a little wasted to just go social and not learn from class....cos you can actually learn quite a bit from class....

however, the things the studio do to compromise the standard is sad....it becomes very commercial and the fine line they define due to a business mind between the good and poor is sooooooooo fine....i no longer worship lindy 4.......no longer have the urge to attend class...soo sad...

hence, i told ff today, i should take a break from lindy....the curve has reached stagnancy...

anyway, since that fateful night, it has sparked off quite a bit of things....saturday practise becomes no longer enjoying and fruitful for me, fling being get together session....

Sigh, what is lindy?....

Conclusion

Hmm....guess my frens are concerned what i've finally decided to do to my relationship....

last whole week since the tok with bc, has been a thinking week for me with lots of tots, lots of crying, lots of confusion going on...i cried that day after msning my fren regards to my relationship...he told me to quit....but deep down...i just feel that something is not gng to be right with this choice....

i spoke to laopa and laoma that nite....

"can i say something harsh to you", she goes
"go ahead...", i say
"i feel that you are holding to your ego...that's y you are not makeing the move"

ah, my heart aches....maybe i am....i've always been thinking, why am i the one to always take the initiative? why? why? why?

in life, one will lose their way...feel bewiltered and confused...just soo happen, i am now in such a situation...

however, after the discussion with them that nite, they taught me something....something about relationships.....

relationships is nothing but communication....to make things work for each other....to look for a person that is willing to go the extra step, to keep trying to make the relationship work...

when one is lost, the focus should never be on the problem. Who's at fault or whatsoever...cos in this way, nothing will ever get out of it....the important thing is the solution....how one should do to make the relationship work....

relationship is also about asking the right thing at the right time....knowing the difference between man and woman and accepting the other as he/she is....

"your next relationship will be the same if you never try hard for it..."hmm..i've never tot of this....maybe its true....and that's y i'm in 5 relationships till date....nothing to be proud of....but something really true about this statement....i guess, i should do something about the relationship...to convince myself to really make time for it...put effort in it...keep trying....

when it really fails after trying upteen times....then its ok to let go....

it's a coward move to let go even without trying......

well, in the end, nothing bad happens this weekend....i've decided to start my engine and work hard for it....learn to really love...

Wish me luck....