i did it again.....

i had to always scold him for asking me money....he had only 50 cents he said....

I never could understand why he has to spend his little money on paint. A good effort. He wanted to paint the house. But he never realised that we do not want to move our things, so that he can paint the walls. It's a hassle. He has his good intentions. But never got any support from us.

I throw a 50bucks at the table. Scold him for spending money on drinks and cigarettes. But nvr make sure he has money to eat.

Actually, i never calculate how much he needs in a day. Never ask how much he earns. Never bother if he has enough to eat. Just gave him money when i feel like it.

I never feel good about the way he was being treated. But i never could convince myself to do anything better.

And tonight, i did it again.

He felt humiliated. Started all the stories about how he brought us abroad when he has money. How he raise us big. How we could not care about him now that we are better. He should have sold the house and live alone. Why should he go though this. He did not even eat the whole day....

But, we kept food at home. Had his favourite biscuits. Had noodles. Had breakfast. But he never took any.

It is a communication breakdown. We can't communicate. We never make it easy for him.

And so, in his angry state, he got dressed, and left the house.

I cried. I regreted. It was afterall, just 50bucks. I could afford it. I should have handled this better....

And she, is still asleep in the room.....