Words beginning with the letter "B" means a lot of different things. But on Wednesday 18Apr, it started with Brian, then i thought it will be a Bad day, but eventually, at the end of the day, i felt that it was a better and brighter day.
Brian emailed me and the contents disturbed me
He said
"also i have decided that last thurs was the last time i will tune in to your complaints abt your work and stuff. the next time you begin complaining, i am sorry but i will tune out - its not that i m not concerned abt you or ur life, but i m really not interested in hearing abt such unhappy stuff, and i honestly have no sympathy or empathy or the way u feel, due to certain beliefs i currently hold. no malice here, just letting you know. if u have genuine probs i am of course available to listen. but not to those complaints i hear every other week when we meet at fling or dinner. "
At that point of time, i went point blank and just replied : " k i expected it....zipped..."
After thinking about it the following day, i tear on the way to work. A few minutes of self pity. A few minutes of sadness. Why is he doing this again. A bad start
The previous time, i was snapped at for a remark i made and ignored for a month? We were back on talking terms when he decided to talk to me. And now?
Do frens do such things to you? I wonder......
Something pop into my mind when i was thinking about this fren of mine. He said that me and WZ were not making effort to buy fernie her bday present when we went empty handed to fernie's little celebration. BAck at my head, i was feeling bad but thinking more of "you din especially buy anything for me as well on my bday." I know how our friendship is. Not that close till he will buy an individual gift for me. But i've never said anything cos i know where i stand as his friend. But this sentence definitely din make me feel good cos i din feel he deserved to say that.
As a fren, he never really understand me. Other than him knowing i grumbled a lot, he knows nothing else.
He sort of reprimand me once for always laughing and not making effort to learn a technique he was teaching. He ignored me when i appeared for a training in school.
I certainly do not deserve all this treatment. Not for someone you consider as a fren.
He chose to be my fren when im happy and not complaining. It seems based on his email.
He said he will listen to me if i have a genuine problem. Does this means i never have a genuine problem? WHat exactly is a genuine problem? When i want to die? For goodness sake.
I've decided to give myself a break this week from fling, from him. I'd rather meet my boyfriend and go pat tor. Im definitely much more happy and my presence is more appreciated.
I met MX and HX yesterday and we talk about many things and i din complain as much. I realise that Brian and I had probably no topics to talk about. Im not soo engrossed about Lindy as him, i noe nuts about Yoga and whatever. And hence, topics with him revolved around my work related complaints. On second thoughts, No, i wasnt really talking to him when i complain. I was talking to Fern and he is there.
So what's the problem?
I worried for him when he message he had a tiff with his dad and leave home. I worried for him when he mentioned his knee was painful. I treat him as a fren sincerely.
I guess, it's time to let go of this so call close fren. A fren that decides to share my happiness. A hole made in the fence can never be mended. Thanks for all you have done. Maybe i did hurt you. but.......our friendship will never be the same....not for now
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