have not been blogging for sometime simply cos i have not felt the urge to do it. I realised i enjoyed blogging more when i want to share something or when i have something to say.
Recently, i have, in a way been asking close frens about the comment i receive. I wanted to reply. But my intended reply seems rude to them.
I was angry. I appear offline on msn in the middle of the conversation and reply that i din want to talk about it. I shouldnt.
I have not been making things easy for myself and my friends i guess. Friends have gave me lots of advice and advising me not to be in the grey area. I should be definite and sure of what i want and make it clear to suitors.
In recent conversations, my fren mentioned i am confused. Another mentioned in a call today that its hard for all when one is not sure of what she wants.夜长梦多.
I was angry for the fact that i find the focus is on him. I seemed rude, dun leave him dangling (in case it becomes an ugly scene next time), i must be the one that breaks up the relationship and all.
I know im the bad guy. I initiate the breakup. And because of that, i seem to be getting attention that i did not expect. Or i led people to give me attention that i din want. I cant handle this well. I cant.
I dun want to handle wat people say. Cos i cant get the acknowledge and comfort i wanted from sharing with them. I understand their good intentions. I know. But i cant handle it.
I've decided. Let's not talk about him anymore. Im not gonna talk about him anymore. Cos i cant handle people's comments and i know i will feel hurt. When im not in the state to handle it, i should learn to not tok about it. You might say im coward, its ok. You might think avoiding doesnt help, its ok.
Time will heal the wound. And it seems 1 year is simply not enough.
1 comment:
hey girl it's not a coward action to avoid. Or rather, let's just say that you have a choice to be happier and choose to talk abt happy things and spending happy times with ppl whom u know enjoy your pressence too... and if avoiding the topic is one of the factors to the key of your happiness, what is wrong?
frens may not always say the most encouraging things but you should let them know what they're doing (whatever blames or judgements they passed on u) is bothering or upsetting you. Hopefully they get it and everyone juz move along with everyday life with new interest or topic to talk abt instead of dwelling back unhappy old matters.
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