Help! I need space

It has been 1 and a half month of my new status. The pain starts to sink in. Pain of a failed relationship. One that i have procrastinated and complained for 2 long years before finally deciding to let go.

It took me a very long time to tell myself that "No, it din work. Get out of your comfy zone" and i did.

However, it did not seem as easy as it looks. I looked ok. Im not. I just happen to be busy and din want to think about it.

A simple sms from sis "Felt sad after reading your blog" i fight soo hard to hold my tears.....
Fern and weizhen hug me that day, i couldnt hold back any longer, i cried.....briefly......

All my tears, reminded me of the failed relationship and the sad fact that massive changes come only after the breakup. It is very heartache. And i do not have the energy to have such changes only after a breakup. How many times must i experience such things before things really change. I'm tired.

My logical self tells me that given my character, i would have told him all my complains. And it is precisely like this that i think i have failed badly. Being direct din help things. I must cut off all 'ties' before he gets it. My goodness.

His massive attempts to try all he could now proves to be very emotionally draining for me. I need space. The more he try, the more sad i am. I have lost the confidence to start again. No, i cant do it again and i don't want to.

I remember i said this before, sometimes, no matter what one do, things will not change. Because it has gone a long way before this ending and it has been very taxing to make the decision. 潇洒一点。Its hard but we need to learn the hard way.

Thank you for all that you have done. But its too late.